Over the last week or so....I have stumbled upon many things that can happen in a relationship. Good times, bad times....And for this I turned to one of my best friends for some advice. I explain to her the problem and basically we came to a conclusion that there is not enough communicating between my boyfriend and I. Now there is no need to say who is not communicating the most, but when there is long distance between and relationship, COMMUNICATION is the key to a successful relationship. Now my boyfriend and I have a great relationship. And this is not going to be a blog post ranting on and on, but let this be a advice post. Now, I am not in anyway a relationship expert, but this is from past experiences with communication. So I'm not only going to use my own advice, but also use a few articles I found to back me up.
"Communication is the key to any relationship. A true relationship between a man and a woman must involve a substantial ingredient of communication. Any relationship with communication has a chance. When the talking has died, so has the relationship." - Rod Hewitt
"There are many ways in which communication—abundance and lack of which—can effect your relationship. Not talking to your mother can make her feel depressed; not messaging your sweetheart can halt your ‘budding’ infatuation while forgetting your wife’s birthday can be as devastating as dropping an atom bomb on yourself. Wherever the communication is strong, the bond is stronger and vice versa. Listening, understanding and compassion are all keys to a relationship whereas lack of communication is the first step towards a failed relationship. If we listen more to our heart than to our mind and communicate with others regularly and effectively, the world in the end would become a better place for all of us."- O.A
"Communication is the key is maintaining a connection with your partner.
Most of us think we know how to communicate and might even think of ourselves as great communicators.Talking, by itself, does not equal communication. Sometimes talking is just making noise with your mouth. Just because you know how to talk does not mean that you know how to communicate." - Jeff Herring
I cant emphasis enough, how important communication is, and it is especially important if your in a long distance relationship. When in a long distance relationship here are some other key points, to make sure your relationship lasts. It doesn't only take penitence and understanding, but with technology these days, there is no excuse to not talk to your spouse in the period they are gone. So here are some key steps to making your relationship last no matter where you are.
1. Try to find time to squeeze in that special someone and tell them how your day went. Don't underestimate the small stuff. That is what relationships are built on.
Tip: Dash off short text messages throughout the day, instead of sending one long winded one at the end of the night. Send texts like "I love you" so your partner knows your thinking about them.
2. Pick a time during the day for those special occasions to do something together, but still be far away. Such occasions like Christmas, Valentines Day, Anniversaries, Birthday's.
3. If you and your partner have a "special song" use that as your ring tone, so whenever you get a call or text from them, you can remember the time when you were together when the song was played.
4.Before you make any dramatic decisions, check in with your spouse, so you can make a decision as a team. You don't want to leave your spouse with blond hair and come back home and they have black hair and a nose ring.
5. Distance can magnify hurt feelings. So if you mess up, you got to go that extra mile to apologize.
And here are some Do's and Dont's to LDR's.
Do - With school, work and other daily regiments communication can become hard in LDR's. Try to make an assigned time to call/text/skype at least once a day (preferably at night time before bed), this is a good time to catch up on each others days.
Do- Another cute gesture can be surprise texts or calls. In your free time grab your phone and send a cute text message about how much you miss/love him/her.
Do- make compromises. Whether that means staying in all weekend to talk on the phone or giving up plans on a Friday night, LDR requires lots of compromises. Sometimes you want to go hang out with your friends which is perfectly fine but in LDR's compromises must be made. Or Instead of just going out because you want to try this instead. Tell him/her you have made plans to go out that night but when you get home call/text him/her and tell them what you did, and how much you missed them. This will make them feel included. Also a good idea is to set aside time for just him/her. When your partner is lives far away it's easy to forget that you need to make time for them as well. Set aside one weekend to just bum it at home on the phone or web cam (if you have one) with him/her. Your partner will enjoy this because it shows you don't mind missing out on things with friends/family for him/her. If that is not an option try to keep communicating while your out just so he/she doesn't feel left out.
Don't: Trap him/her. Guys like to do the chasing and don't like to feel controlled or trapped. They like breathing room and want to be trusted. Don't call your partner every 10 minutes to make sure he/she is up to no good. It's ridiculous. The only thing that is going to happen is, someone is going to stop answering the call, because they already know what its about. Then you will end up feeling like he/she doesn't want to talk to you because they met someone else, etc....
Do: keep the romance alive. Let each other know how much you mean to each other but don't go too overboard. If that is all you ever say then there will be nothing else to talk about. Keep it real. Make a random phone call or text message every now and again to say "I love you" or "I miss you baby"It's nice to get a random message from your partner if anything but just to know they are thinking of you, even if you haven't talked all day.
Do: cry if you need to cry. Its better to let it all out and listen to love songs, its sounds a bit cheesy but once its all out you feel much better. Do let your partner know how your feeling, if your sad, be sad, if your angry, be angry. Just let it out, chances are your partner feels the same way. You will feel:
1. Anxiety
2. Sadness
3.Disappointment
4. Anger
5. Frustration
6. Insecure
7. Jealousy
This may seem like alot to take in, but in the end it will all be worth it when your back in his/her arms. Remember LDR's are not easy for anyone, but with these steps you can make it work! And back to the question above. As stated in everyone of the tips or quotes above, Communication is the Key to a successful relationship, either long or short distance. I wish the best of luck to all your present and future relationships.
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